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| Prayers don't vanish without a trace. I sometimes feel as if it's pointless for me to fall to my knees begging and yearning for more of God or for something miraculous to happen in my life or someone elses....boy is that incorrect. As time goes by and my prayers seem unanswered or unaddressed I always begin to lose faith that God is going to pull through. The amazing thing is that as time goes by.....as seasons change....as my heart is realed in closer to His own.....He sweeps me off my feet and shows me just how much He listens to what I say: ALWAYS.
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...."Ecc3:1
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity on the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."....Ecc3:11
Even the ugliest attitudes, situations, or issues will be made beautiful. Pray hard, build faith, trust His word....because we can't comprehend how much He is doing in our life that isn't visible right now....but He is there......with full power. | | |
| I often wonder how something as small as our heart can uphold such a dominant position in our mind, body, and soul. Our every word and every action ultimately is motivated by this amazing force that sometimes paints a smile on my face but then turns to become a knife destroying my hopes jab by jab. How can something so simple be so complex? Why is it that even though it is inside of me I can never understand what it is saying, why it is saying it, and who it is speaking to? I feel like trying to fully understand our hearts’ desire is like dangling a piece of fresh meat in front of a wolf who hasn’t eaten in days, but he’s locked in a cage and as soon as you open the cage and he makes a run for the food…it’s snatched away. So many times I have found myself confidently going after something that my “gut feeling” tells me is right and then as soon as I get there…I’m wrong or it’s gone. Do I just have bad luck, or is this the case for everyone?
I think I have found the answer. It IS like that for anyone who thinks they have come to a full understanding of their heart and their life. To think that is totally deceiving our self. The reason something as tiny as our heart seems so big is because it is. It is a place where the creator of the universe is meant to dwell and direct. The way that we nurture, protect, and listen to our heart determines so much about our life. The best thing to do is to lift it up to our Dad in heaven and surrender our ideas, and continue this walk by faith knowing that our heart has been placed in the arms of someone who has labeled it precious cargo. You don’t have to doubt that. | | |
| I am so lazy lately....well actually just today Last night Tracy and I went to VA Beach to meet Kensie, Kayla, Melissa, Malcom, and Rocco so we could all go to the Wave Church for their Soul Central service. It was absolutely amazing. I complained the entire way there; I didn't want to go at all. I went from telling TJ before we got there that we could not make a habit out of going there to whispering to her during the last song ..."Let's come next Wed."...lol. Seriously, it was life-changing. I feel like I just started over fresh with God, and it feels great. I have that fire and that crave to be with Him again...and it's been a really long time since that has been the case. I'm really excited about the semester...I think it is going to be awesome. I really am enjoying my courses so far, but I'm just worried that I'm going to lose all of this motivation that I have to do well. I pray that I won't, and that this will be the semester that I give my all. I want to make all A's because I know I can...at least I definitely can in these classes. I think that my grades are one of the best ways to testify to my family at home that I am truly growing into a woman of God. I'm not saying that me getting all A's need to be a Christian, but I think that trying my hardest in school is what Jesus would do....Well, I'm going to go to the gym, and then get ready for VCM tonight! | | |
| I had such a beautiful weekend. I was able to go home for church Friday night...which was awesome. I love being able to worship freely with my closest friends. Not that I dont love to worship by myself as well, but it is just something about the power of entering in with the people that you share Godly love with, the people that God has placed in your path to hold you up when you cannot stand alone, the girls who fall to their knees crying out for Jesus to help you when you don't have the strength to do it. I love them. I love just riding in the car with Tracy and not having to say a word if I wanted to on a 2.5 hour trip, b/c she already knows. She knows my heart. She can tell by the look on my face what I am going through, and she knows exactly how to love me. There is just something special about kaysea, tracy, laura, kayla, and I meeting at the BBC and laughing and chatting and just loving one another, something amazing about us dancing, jumping, singing, praying, and crying together at Liberty....we will do that until they shut the lights off....there is something beautiful about mr. and mrs. molnar, and their unconditional love for young people. There is nothing like the encouragement and love that they show us. AHHH....how awesome is it to sing at the top of our lungs on the car ride home and then pull out the guitar and sing somemore with people that we love. Where else besides the Outer Banks is the fun thing to do to go to a drained pool and watch some awesome people skate? OOO...I love it. Then to top it all off....get to go to dinner with my sissy and mom to chow down on a ton of steamed oysters!!! Then wake up to church at Liberty in the a.m., followed by LaFagotas with my lovelies!!! Then we go and lay around the afternoon in Lukes bedroom floor...hehe....ohhhh I love being home. There is just nothing like it...nothing. I know why it is all so special! It's because it's God...it's him with His mighty hand over my life...putting beautiful people in my love that I can love and adore and spend time with....thank you Jesus! | | |
| ok...i know that my last entry sounded a little on the "emo" side, but that was dumb....sorry guys. You know, tough times come and go, and of course it is so devastating when they come b/c I know how perfect and beautiful Jesus is. I know all of the miraculous things he has done in my life and still is doing in me and people around me. When I have touched and seen something so amazing I can't stand to be apart from Him...I can't stand to not be as close to Him as possible. I have this constant fire inside of me getting stronger and stronger...screaming for me to let go of myself and reach out to He who saved me two years ago, He who healed me....wiped me clean and set me free. Yes, I resist sometimes, but I don't want to. I don't want to pull away from Him; I want to draw near to Him. I stress so much about what my actions are like, and what they are portraying, but I'm not perfect. I wish I could be for Him, but I'm not. The thing that is hard for me to recieve...is that it's ok. He looks at my heart, and my actions may hide what I'm feeling to people around me, but not Him. He knows it..He created it. He has mercy on me. | | |
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